...what she does do well. Point this out to her and encourage her to do these
things even if it takes longer or is not done quite “right”: “I love it when you are so
kind to our kitties.” “Thanks for weeding the flower bed.” “It helps a lot when you
put all your dirty clothes in the hamper. Thanks.”
She may not notice what she does well and may not give herself credit. She may
value herself as the ‘baby’ in the family, being weak and letting others have power
over her and her life.
Encourage her to do what she loves; help create these opportunities for her.
When she wants to try new things, be as positive and supportive as possible. If
you say anything at all about it, be sure to be encouraging.
Place emphasis on the attempt, the process, and not the results. “That was a
great try.” “Your throwing arm seems to be stronger than it was last week. Keep
up the good work.” “We all make mistakes, especially when we’re learning
something new.
Mistakes tell us what we need to change to do it better.” Results improve with
practice, with repetition, with improving our technique. When value is placed on
results, too often we become discouraged and quit when our first attempts don’t
give the results we want.
Be sure you practice win-win solutions faithfully with her, take the time, make the
effort; this tells her that she is worth this time and effort and that you value her
input and her needs.
When a decision involves her, be sure she agrees with it too. This might mean
that she is involved in the decision-making process, though not necessarily. If you
do make a decision which involves her without discussing it with her first, perhaps
letting her know what went into the decision will be enough to make her feel good
about it. However, if she is not content with the decision, be prepared to revise it
until it is agreeable to both of you.
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